Breaking: Change is hard.
THE STORY: VP Joe Biden got a little bit more specific about the gun control proposals he will present to his boss (Obama) by Tuesday. As he spoke, yet another school shooting unfolded.
BAD NEWS FIRST. A California high school student opened fire in a classroom, wounding a classmate. Staff members at the school talked him into surrendering and he was taken into custody.
NOW HOW DOES BIDEN THINK HE CAN HELP? JB is holding meetings with different groups, even the NRA and other gun advocates, for his task force on how to curb gun violence. He suggested that universal background checks for wannabe gun owners and a high-capacity magazine ban would be part of the administration’s to-do list.
WHAT DOES THE NRA THINK? The pro-gun posse met with Biden on Thursday but it’s gonna pass on supporting any new gun laws, since Biden is really just attacking the Second Amendment (guns). The NRA has gained more than 100,000 new members in the past 18 days. That’s a lot of new welcome emails to send out.
THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): The administration better start working out because it has an uphill battle in pushing forward new gun laws. However, it’s the first time the NRA has been involved in potentially restricting gun rights since Bubba. Hope? Change?
REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when no one likes your post on Facebook… Awkward. Time to rethink this strategy. In the wake of the awkward moment when no new players were elected into baseball’s Hall of Fame, MLB and its players union are rethinking a few things. Turns out, links to steroid use aren’t so popular with the fans, and so the league is expanding its drug testing program to include testing for human growth hormone and a lil' extra testosterone. While we personally think they could have just done a locker room drop trou check, the new protocol will hopefully allow baseball to put behind criticisms it moved too slowly to address performance-enhancing drug use and celebrate its status as the toughest-tester in professional sports.
What to say when you lose your credit card… AmEx will replace it, no prob! Membership has its privileges and so do paying jobs. Too bad AmEx won’t replace the latter half. The company is cutting 5,400 staffers, mostly in its travel division, and doing a little restructuring to the tune of $287 million. The unexpected move is a sign the company is looking to shore up its business, in light of a spending slowdown. And we thought we were the only ones who cried a little inside when they looked at their bill.
What to say when you bang your head… Ouch. Yes, that does hurt and it’s not good for you. Scientists examined the brain tissue of Junior Seau, the renowned NFL linebacker who committed suicide last year, and concluded he had a debilitating brain disease, probably caused by lots of head knocks on the field. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is sadly becoming the more popular football pension for the pros and has already led to player lawsuits against the league. Protect your noggin, you only get one.
What to say when you Pin pics of your dream home… Wait, I’d actually have to pay for this to own it? Reality checks hurt and so do the new mortgage rules, set to go into effect in 2014. The new rules require a lender to actually think about whether or not a borrower can repay the loan. OUTRAGEOUS! But consumer groups say the new rules totally favor the lender, and could really hurt first-time buyers and low-income families. Pin away, dream homes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Just ask Barbie and Ken .
What to say in preparation for your Golden Globes party… After this Sunday’s show, I’m done with awards season. How can I go on to support something that would snub Ben Affleck or Kathryn Bigelow? The Oscar noms are out and it ain’t pretty. Well, if you’re not nominated that is. Good job, “Lincoln.” We get it, you’re important.
What to say after a good night’s sleep… Thank God for Ambien! Enjoy that sweet slumber while you can. The FDA is ordering manufacturers of drugs that contain zolpidem (aka the good ones) to cut recommended dosage for women in half because they can make you drowsy in the morning and more at risk for accidents. You mean I wasn’t supposed to use nail polish remover to take off my makeup or brush my teeth with lotion? The FDA has yet to say if exceptions will be made for long plane rides. #HELP
What to say when your BF asks you for a threesome… Unless you are bringing JT, the answer is no. Fortunately, for Beyonce, the mystery guest Jay-Z brought home was Mr. Timberlake himself. Bey really does get it all. As if being a sexpot on GQ’s cover weren’t enough, Beyonce gets to be in the middle of this (very hot) combo. Justin is about to drop a new single that features the royal hip-hop couple. He’s (Sexy)Back, and so is Destiny’s Child. It’s like the ‘90s all over again but with better hair.
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