THE STORY: Your Swatch watch just got a lot trendier. The watch company is buying Harry Winston in a deal valued at around $1 billion.
THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?) Who knew watches were a girl’s best friend? Swatch apparently did. The move gives it an underdeveloped watch brand to play with and all those diamonds. Luxury markets are hard to come by and Swatch thought it was about time to score big.
And YOU get a car!
THE STORY: Dreaming just got a lot more affordable. BMW and Mercedes are launching some much lower-priced cars.
THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?) Mama just scored a brand new sedan. And Oprah isn’t involved. The new vehicles are the biggest efforts by the companies to lower the barriers to entry into luxury cars in the US and a part of a huge effort to encourage the young & the kind of rich to go shopping. The pressure is on–for wallets and Detroit to keep up.
CTRL + ALT + DEL + SELL
THE STORY: Dell’s about to put its best product in years on the market–itself.
THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?) The Texas-based PC maker is rumored to be in talks with different firms for a potential buyout. The tablet market has not been kind to Dell and the stockholders seemed excited by the prospect of a buyout for the company–which would become one of the largest deals since the recession.
REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when your boyfriend calls you paranoid for thinking he’s cheating… I knew it! I knew you were a f*cking liar! Yes, it’s apparently true. Lance Armstrong finally confessed to Oprah that he did indeed dope. The cyclist was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles last year for being the spandex behind a massive drug ring. He had maintained his innocence. He will now reportedly testify against people in cycling who were in on it, too. That’s one way to say thanks. Before taping the interview, he apologized to Livestrong staffers. He avoided crowds outside his house by cutting through a neighbor’s yard and hopping a fence. We don’t think any sponsors were impressed by his running skills.
What to say while roommate hunting… Do you pay your telephone bills? Do you pay your automo bills? Then maybe we can chill, since you’re not a “deadbeat.” President Obama made clear that he would very much like the US of A to stay out of that category, by continuing to pay the bills it has already rung up. Therefore, Congress must raise the debt ceiling. If Congress doesn’t, it could spell economic disaster. Republicans are demanding steep spending cuts in exchange for raising the debt roof, but the president insists he will not negotiate with his debt frenemies, ahem, Republicans.
What to say to someone who has served your country… Thank you and you’re hired. Wal-Mart plans to do just this. The nation’s largest retailer will announce a plan to hire every veteran who wants a job, as long as he/she has left the military in the previous year and didn’t get dishonorably discharged. The program will kick off on Memorial Day and the company believes it will lead to the hiring of more than 100,000 vets in the next five years. M. Obama called the plan “historic,” and you know she has good taste.
What to say on a red-eye… You speak, I hurt you. Perhaps this is what someone once said to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who for nearly seven years has not uttered a word in the courtroom. Zilch. Silence. Mute. But history has occurred: Thomas muttered something audible, something for the books, something that allegedly said “Well-he did not-[laughter].” Or something like that. The transcript wasn’t sure. Let’s do this again in 2020, CT.
What to say while watching “Law & Order”… The husband totally did it. Or maybe it was the cook. Or maybe the key to the case can be found by analyzing dinghy scratchings. An autopsy report, released Monday, shows new revelations about the death of Natalie Wood, who wound up dead while boating with husband Robert Wagner and guest Christopher Walken. The coroner found that the actress had fresh bruises and scratches likely before she drowned in the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately, detectives aren’t ready to classify it as a homocide…even though it occurred over 30 years ago. No rush.
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