Quote of the Day: “As an audience, is it weird to see a person with actual talent host this show?” Matt Damon as he and his celeb flock took over “Jimmy Kimmel Live”
Watch where you put that thing
THE STORY: The UN is officially investigating whether or not civillian deaths from drone strikes are war crimes. Dun dun dun.
PSST WHAT’S A DRONE? There are lots of different types but generally it’s an unmanned aircraft. Sometimes they gather intelligence. Sometimes they attack. The UN is a little more concerned with the latter.
WHY? It’s one thing when a terrorist is taken out, but it’s another when civilians are caught in the process. And it’s also a problem when they are launched across country borders. A lot.
WHERE ARE PEOPLE DRONING? More than 80% of armed US drones target Pakistan and Yemen, in an effort to break up terror cells. Somalia also gets a few, too.
HOW MANY LIVES LOST? The UN will focus on 25 specific attacks where more than 500 civilians are believed to have been killed.
WELL, SURELY THE US ISN’T AT FAULT: Ha. The UN said the inquiry isn’t about one particular state being in the wrong, as it silently doodled USA over and over in its notebook. The US is pretty well-known for its drone tendencies. President Obama has relied heavily on covert drone strikes to help fight terror. The US says it’s not like it’s trying to hit civilians. Critics say, see? No accountability!
SO WHAT’S THE UN GOING TO DO? Review and give recommendations. The reality is drone technology is here to stay but some sort of regulation needs to be put into place to protect civilian lives.
WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): This could be the beginning of a UN move to govern the use of drones—a core part of Obama’s security strategy. A big international concern is that drones could be used by the wrong people. No one wants to see an unmanned, robotic arms race unless it’s in J.J. Abram’s new “Star Wars.”
THE *: Oher things the UN can think about include North Korea’s temper tantrum over new sanctions against it due to its penchant for testing rockets et al. The isolated country has now threatened physical war with South Korea if that country (and its enemy) sides with the UN. This sounds like it will end well.
REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you order a jumbo soda… No sense getting used to something that may soon be banned. Same goes for some gun owners. Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and a group of Senate Dems emotionally introduced legislation to ban the sale and manufacture of more than 150 types of semi-automatic weapons that have military-like features. It would also ban mags holding more than 10 rounds of ammo. Her bid to dry up the supply of weapons is going to be one uphill battle. Game on.
What to say when you ‘gift’ yourself something from behind the bar… Better hope Mary Jo isn’t watching. President Obama has nominated Mary Jo White to lead the Securities and Exchange Commission, so all mobsters, white-collar crooks, and terrorists better start shaking in their stolen boots. White made a name for herself as an US attorney who had a knack for prosecuting white-collar criminals and the likes of John Gotti and the mastermind behind the ‘93 WTC bombing. In other words, don’t mess.
What to say to your hashtag happy friend… I have a way for you to express yourself outside of the 140-character world. Meet Twitter for video, also known as Vine, a new video sharing service introduced by the blue bird itself. Vine’s promising rollout was pretty rocky, as some users complained of being signed in under someone else’s account. How can you be creative if you can’t be yourself? Still, Vine, which Twitter acquired for an undisclosed amount of money last fall, may show the bird where the money is. Just ask Kim Kardashian. Answer: video.
What to say when you call out sick… I’m just overwhelmed and need some time out. Tennis player Victoria Azarenka called for five—or maybe ten—during the Australian Open. Many think she was just panicked; she said she was in pain and was whelmed. But she still won, causing many to cry ‘faker,’ ‘cheater,’ and other compliments. Two players used to the pressure are Roger Federer and Andy Murray, who are facing off this morning in the men’s semifinals. These two know how to keep an audience on the edge of their seats. We’re happy to go home and celebrate with either.
What to say to your friend going through a break-up… You haven’t hit rock bottom until you’re dating someone fake. Actually fake. Life is rough these days for Notre Dame linebacker and hoax victim Manti Te'o. He sat down with Katie Couric, who released voicemails Lennay (the made up GF) left him. A lawyer for the man behind the hoax, RT (we shorten his name because it’s long) says RT was using a falsetto voice. Creepy. Rumor has it, RT was a tad obsessed with Te'o. Ya think?
SKIMM FAVOR: This whole time we thought we were dating Manti Te'o. Make us feel better and pass theSkimm on.
SKIMM'R OF THE WEEK: Ali Landes (Los Angeles, CA). Ali and her siblings created the Wendy Walk in 2010 in order to support their mom in her battle with Liposarcoma, a rare cancer. They are fighting to save their mom’s life and have already raised over 1.2 million dollars for international research. Learn more here.
BIRTHDAYS: Stella Athanas (Chicago, IL); Grant Dean (Tallassee, AL); Carrie Coffee (San Francisco, CA); Chrissy Egan (Seattle, WA); Jaimie Vaillancourt (New York, NY); Nancy Patten (Sunnyvale, CA); Charles Benvenuto (Winnetka, IL); Lauren Brenner (New York, NY)
Skimm’d something we missed? Send it to SkimmThis@theSkimm.com