Quote of the Day: "I've known you since you were pregnant with Lena Dunham" -- Tina Fey to Amy Poehler

Things That Happened Far Away

Brazil THE STORY: A fire broke out in a Brazilian nightclub, killing at least 232 people.

THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): Brazil is known for its nightlife but this was not the kind of party you'd wish on your worst enemy. A live band's pyrotechnic show went horribly wrong and set the club on fire. The club is located in Santa Maria, a university town. Partygoers struggled to get past blocked exits and, initially, bouncers, who thought people were skipping out on their bar tabs. Horrible.

EgyptTHE STORY: It's been two years since the Egyptian revolution and not everybody in the country felt like celebrating. Violence broke out across Egypt, leading President Morsi to lay down the law.

THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): Deadly clashes between police and protesters -- in three cities near the Suez Canal -- marked the anniversary of the revolution and revealed how much some believe Morsi's rule has betrayed the movement. Like any worried (or angry) parent, Morsi called for a nighttime curfew and declared a state of emergency. He warned--keep this up and more punishment to come.

REPEAT AFTER ME...What to say when you have a case of the Mondays... Hey, if Washington can start the week off by getting along, there's some hope for us all to get through the day. A bipartisan group of influential senators has come together (Hallelujah!) to reach an agreement to fix our (broken down) immigration system. The deal, to be announced later today, will cover border security, guest workers, 'how to tell if your employee is legit' verification, and a way for the 11 million illegal immigrants in the US of A to become citizens. Welcome to the melting pot Julio, Wilhelm, Olga, and Min. It'll be nice to have you (legally) in the neighborhood. Now let's just wait and see if Obama and the House are as excited to change things up.

What to say when you're not feeling well... Suck it up. If Jennifer Lawrence can present and give a fab acceptance speech at the Screen Actors Guild Awards with pneumonia, you can go to work. The actor on actor honors, which aired last night, gave Ben Affleck another reason to throw his own Oscar party and convinced Don Draper to watch an ep of Downton Abbey. Best dressed: Viola Davis. Worst dressed: everyone.

What to say on a date... So if we had a son, would you let him play football? Given the violence and concussion risks, President Obama said, in an interview with The New Republic, that he would think twice about letting (the fictional) Barry Jr. play the sport he loves. Unfortunately for the Boston Celtics, injury knows no sport bounds. Star point guard Rajon Rondo has torn his ACL in his right knee and will be out for the rest of the season. At least his team pulled out a double overtime victory against the Miami Heat. #PutOutTheFire

What to say during your exit interview... "You know, if the roles had been reversed, and I had ended up winning, I would have desperately wanted him to be in my Cabinet." In a moment you wouldn't have expected in '08, outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and President Obama sat down with "60 Minutes" to praise each other and talk about their foreign policy accomplishments: winding down the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, helping Libya get Qaddafi the heck out of there, and taking down the core of al Qaeda. Insert USA chant here. Both were hesitant to talk about what can be done in places like Syria (aka diplomatic messes we've avoided). As to when we'll see Hillz in her traveling pantsuit glory again...we're still taking bets.

What to say when your alma mater asks you for money... The mix of guilt and stale beer-nostalgia gets to me. I'll donate, but don't expect a Bloomberg. New York's mayor gave a massive donation to his alma mater, Johns Hopkins, to the tune of $350 million. That would be staggering in itself, but Michael Bloomberg's lifetime gift is believed to be a first -- $1 billion to one US higher education institution. Bet Hopkins is glad they put him in the 'Accept' pile.

What to say to your mom... I know you sometimes secretly wish you had a prodigy instead of me, but at least I didn't turn your bad cooking into my career path. Flynn McGarry, eat your sunchoke confit and be quiet.

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