Quote of the Day: “It’s dead, dead, dead.”—Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on the Constitution
It's Broke, So Fix It
THE STORY: President Obama challenged Congress in a speech Tuesday to actually do something about immigration. He also warned that if lawmakers deadlock on a new bipartisan Senate proposal, he’ll send his own bill its way.
WHAT DOES BARRY WANT THEM TO DO? He is one proud papa at the moment, with his favorite child being a bipartisan (!) group of influential senators who already announced the framework for an immigration reform deal. Sorry Sasha. Their main pillars — border security, employer’s not pretending they didn’t know Olga was illegal, provisions for letting farm workers and engineers in, and a pathway to citizenship — gel with Barry’s. The president wants Congress to hustle or face dealing with a White House bill (something the president put off pre-election time).
DOES HE REALLY LIKE THE ENTIRE PROPOSAL? Ehh. For starters, POTUS wants any plan to begin with a clear path to citizenship for the estimated 11 million illegal immigrants — surprise! — already here, which doesn’t quite mesh with some senators wanting citizenship to be tied to tighter border security. Ever seen “Border Wars”? Oh and the White House proposes that the US treat same-sex couples like everyone else when it comes to getting a visa. Maybe a House “Birdcage” screening would help this along.
WHY NOW? Dubya tried really hard to reform immigration in 2007, but it didn’t go anywhere. However, Hispanics went for Obama as if he were an election-themed churro in the 2012 race, so it’s fair to say that Republicans now realize they have a bit of an immigration issue. And demographic changes in the country aren’t going to do them any favors in the future.
THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): The president, instead of just getting mad at Congress for being lazy, applauded lawmakers for doing something ahead of him (and got to namedrop his favorite immigrants). Things could still go south, as always, but there’s actual momentum for an overhaul of the immigration system, which is a top Obama second term priority. And a pretty big deal for people ‘visiting’ this country.
REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you’re feeling desperate… Meet the BlackBerry 10. RIM hopes crackBerry addicts will want a bigger fix and, after much delay, is set to unveil its latest phone. The phone will have a new operating system (which they hope users will upgrade to) and a feature that separates corporate data from personal data through a program called BlackBerry Balance (hint: we need some). The iPhone has not been a friend to RIM, as it seems the only people who still have Berrys are those who hate their jobs. Or have big thumbs. It’s do or die time for the Berry, as this may be a last-ditch effort to stay relevant. (h/t Ken Lee, New York, NY)
What to say when someone cheats on you… Well now you can just pay for my new vagina. Yup, you heard me. Reality star and Eddie Cibrian ex Brandi Glanville had quite the last laugh on her former husband after he left her for LeAnn Rimes. “I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor’s office] Eddie’s credit card number.” Brandi details her vaginal rejuvenation surgery in her new book. There’s nothing more to say except, ew and she kind of has a point.
What to say to your GPS… Oh Frederick Victor, sometimes I feel you know everything and other times I feel you are as clueless as I. Google feels your pain, which is why it has made an unprecedented move to make sure no one feels lost in North Korea again. The infamously isolated country doesn’t like the world to know too much about what goes on inside the Kim dynasty’s playground. Challenge accepted, said Google. The company released a map that was compiled by a “community of citizen cartographers” and even reveals prison camp locations. The largely symbolic act, which is still a major work in progress, shows the power of crowdsourcing as well as how little is actually known about the country.
What to say while ordering… I’ll take the venison, just not the antlers. Ray Lewis says he’s not an antler kind of guy. The Baltimore Ravens legendary linebacker finds himself denying he used a banned substance. Specifically: deer- antler spray which contains something banned. No kidding. Lewis has one game left in his career— the Super Bowl. Sports Illustrated is reporting that Lewis was given the product to help heal his torn triceps, however he has not tested positive and denies using it. Also in Lance Armstrong territory is Alex Rodriguez. Miami New Times links A-Rod, and other baseball players, to an anti-aging clinic known to sell performance-enhancing drugs. We’re going to give them the benefit of the doubt that they just really needed Botox.
What to say when the new guy is hired… Ch-ch-ch-ch changes! Turn and face the strain-ed cable channel. Folks at CNN are trying to get with the program after realizing head Jeff Zucker is wasting no time in his new gig. Within days, the struggling network is already looking different. Everyone’s favorite opinionated husband and wife duo James Carville and Mary Matalin are out, as is managing editor Mark Whitaker. Chris Cuomo is joining the new family and most dramatically, James Earl Jones is BACK to say “This is CNN.” Mufasa is on the throne. Buckle up cable news.
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BIRTHDAYS: Lauren Feldman (Boston, MA); Jamie Beckman (Brooklyn, NY); Maria Milutinovic (San Francisco, CA)
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