Quote of the Day: "I was just a jerk."-John Mayer, on his previous relationships

Storms on the horizon

* Einhorn's a blowin'THE STORY: A high-profile hedge fund manager sued Apple for not sharing enough fruit of its iLabor with investors.

THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?) Turns out Apple has a lot of cash (you don't say?). In an upcoming shareholder vote, Apple plans to take up a proposal that would eliminate preferred stock. Say what? This is the type of stock that usually has a large dividend attached to it and is the popular way for a cash-rich company to give back a little somethin' somethin' to shareholders. But billionaire David Einhorn is worried that Apple is going to sit on its $137 billion cash pile without giving anyone a bite--so he sued and urged investors to vote down the proposal. The move is the latest sign that recent poor market performance is making investors antsy and hungry for a more fulfilling fruit.

* Finding NemoTHE STORY: You don't have to look too hard to find Nemo. A blizzard, bearing the fish's name, is coming to the Northeast. Everyone is talking about it.

THE WHY (DO I NEED TO SKIMM?): Meteorologists and moms everywhere have spread the panic: Two ferocious storm systems; One historic blizzard. While New York is preparing for up to a foot of snow, New England could get slammed with up to three feet. Thousands of flights have been cancelled. Get off the roads, stay indoors, bake a pie, and watch some movies.

REPEAT AFTER ME...What is really, really scary... The LAPD is hunting down a fugitive that used to be one of its own; meanwhile, the fugitive is hunting the LAPD. An ex-LA police officer, trained as a rifle marksman, is on the run. Christopher Jordan Dorner is suspected of killing a woman (the daughter of a retired LAPD Captain) and her fiance, as well as a cop this week. Cop killers rarely fare well in these stories but police are on edge after seeing Dorner's manifesto, conveniently posted on Facebook, that details his "war" against the men in blue and their families, as well as some creepy goodbyes to celebs. A massive manhunt is underway, which has also led to the shootings of civilians. (h/t Alyse Freeland)

What to say while reading Vogue... No one does 'I can't afford this' better than they do but Net-a-Porter is sure gonna try. The online luxury fashion site has announced it is launching a big time, yet to be named, 300-page print magazine (and app, but of course) this fall. Maybe just in time to for a September issue? It's supposed to compete with Vogue and Harper's Bazaar after all. The haute too cool site launched an online weekly that will come in several languages. Anna, time to put your minions on high alert.

What to say while buying a subway card... Man, these prices are really bleeding me dry. Way awkward since members of New York's Transport Workers Union will be handing out mock MetroCards with fake blood on the front and the Grim Reaper himself on the back. You're probably thinking, it's not Halloween - WTF? The union is getting creative with its campaign to save lives by getting trains to slow down before entering a station. The proposed slowdown doesn't make the Transportation Authority too happy because they think platforms will be even more crowded. 55 people were killed by New York subway trains last year. Thanks bloody MetroCards for giving us another reason to disinfect our hands post-ride.

What to say when your underling pitches something... And I'll just take it from here, k? Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei rejected the crazy notion that his country would engage in direct talks with the US. Where would anyone get such an idea? From "simple-minded people" like his own foreign minister, who said he was open to such talks after VP Joe Biden offered them up. Too bad the foreign minister doesn't have real power, since even President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has admitted that the US has taken positive steps towards Iran, has to listen to the Supreme Leader. Hence the Supreme part. Some say his smackdown isn't a good thing as his country suffers under economic sanctions stemming from concern over its nuclear program, which Iran says is peaceful.

What to say when you refuse to buy a printer... I should really just get a 3D printer and print a regular one! Lots of people are using these new fangled devices to sculpt plastic but researchers in Scotland have built a printer that lays down human stem cells. An example of good printer use? It could help build transplant organs. Questionable use? One to manufacture your own high-capacity gun magazine. The "Wiki Weapons" mastermind behind the latter named the magazine, the "Cuomo," after New York's governor who recently signed a ban outlawing gun mags over 7 rounds.

SKIMM'R OF THE WEEK: Elizabeth Flood (Mobile, AL). Flood teaches middle school English in the Deep South as a part of a two-year service program called Alliance for Catholic Education. With extremely limited resources, she's inspiring her students every day in and outside of the classroom. You go, Glenn Coco!

BIRTHDAYS:  Bernice Zakin (Palm Beach, FL); Ellen Richman (Greenwich, CT); Amanda Blankenship (China); Susanne Spencer (Charlotte, NC); Elizabeth Padilla (Oakley, CA); Katie McBride (Chicago, IL); Leslie Hall (Washington, DC); Stephanie Hanback (Huntsville, AL); April Freeman (Cape Coral, FL); Lisa M. Warren (Knoxville, TN); Dianne Metro Turner; Got a birthday? Send it in.

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