Skimm'd after watching Amy Schumer's comedy special on HBO Go.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I don't have a super PAC. I don't even have a backpack" — Larry David feeling the Bern. He showed off his best Bernie Sanders impression on "SNL." And it was good.
Over the weekend, ongoing violence between Israelis and Palestinians got worse.
CATCH ME UP.
In the last month, a renewed dispute over a holy site in Jerusalem's Old City (which Jews call Temple Mount, and Muslims call the Noble Sanctuary) has set off a wave of violence. Palestinian assailants have been attacking Israelis almost daily, often by knife stabbings, often in Jerusalem, and often by young attackers. These attacks have resulted in many clashes with Israeli security; 9 Israelis and 41 Palestinians (including the assailants) have been killed in this latest wave of violence. Tension around this contested holy site and the subsequent violence is just the latest in a string of bad relationship karma between the two sides. In the last few weeks, the Palestinian president had an international mic drop when he announced that a peace framework that had been in place for decades is now off the table. And there's been revived tension over Israelis building settlements in areas that Palestinians claim will one day be a part of their state.
WHAT'S THE LATEST?
No surprise, these attacks have pretty much ruined any feelings of security in the neighborhood. To combat the violence, Israel temporarily restricted access to the Old City for some Palestinians earlier this month. Then last week, security forces set up checkpoints outside some Palestinian neighborhoods. The attacks haven't stopped, so now, four Israeli cities, including Tel Aviv, are reportedly temporarily banning Arab teachers and workers from going to schools. And Israeli police are putting up a temporary wall in Jerusalem between Jewish and Palestinian neighborhoods.
REPEAT AFTER ME...
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU FINISH THAT BOOK THAT'S BEEN ON YOUR LIST FOR YEARS...
Mission accomplished. Yesterday, the US said it killed the leader of a terror group linked to al-Qaeda in an airstrike last week in Syria. This leader was the boss of an al-Qaeda super-group that now has an HQ in Syria. He apparently handled the group's money and fighters, finding routes for them to move between countries. Now al-Qaeda is in the market for a new chief smuggler. His death was a big win for the US -- and a reminder that even though ISIS is hogging a lot of the attention, the US has 99 problems and al-Qaeda is still one.
WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND PLANNING A HONEYMOON…
Maybe Hawaii isn't paradise after all. Over the weekend, Hawaii's gov. declared a state of emergency. That's because Hawaii has a homelessness crisis — as in, it has the highest rate of homelessness per capita of any US state. Exactly what the tourism board would like to put on a t-shirt. Last week, Hawaii cleared one of the largest homeless camps in the US. Declaring a state of emergency will give the gov. more funds to set up permanent homes for them, and give people a place to lei down.
WHAT TO SAY WHILE BINGE-WATCHING "NARCOS"…
In other kingpin news…Over the summer, Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman -- the head of a major Mexican drug cartel and a notorious drug lord -- escaped from prison. He did it through a hole in his shower cell that led to a tunnel. El Chapo 1, Authorities 0. The Mexican gov.'s been facepalming, getting taunted on Twitter, and looking for him ever since. Recently, they got really close to catching him. Then didn't. El Chapo 2, Authorities 0. He's now reportedly injured. And the search continues. Meanwhile, El Chapo costumes are flying off the racks in Mexico. If it walks like El Chapo and talks like El Chapo…it's probably just October 31st.
WHAT TO SAY AFTER A SECRET SUNDAY 'KARDASHIAN' MARATHON…
Lammy seems to be doing better.
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU GET CALLED OUT FOR USING A FAKE NAME AT THE BAR...
Busted. Amazon recently looked at some of the reviews on its site and said 'something seems fishy here.' The company filed a lawsuit against more than 1,000 people for allegedly getting paid to post fake reviews. While many love a good USB cable, apparently posts saying one "has lit up my life" didn't sit well with The 'Zon.
THING TO KNOW
ZombiCon: An annual gathering where human adults dress up as zombies. The fake gore got a little too real over the weekend in Florida when a shooting killed one person and injured five others.
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