theSkimm's Guide to

THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

THE STORY

It’s D-Day. All week. Time for the Democratic National Convention.

I THOUGHT WE DID THIS ALREADY...

That was the Republicans. Now, the Democrats are grabbing the mic. They’ll outline the party's platform and officially tap Hillary Clinton to do the damn thing.

WHEN AND WHERE?

It’s raining Dems all week at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, PA. That’s because this year, PA is the swing state to watch.

WHO’S GOING?

All the single delegates. The media. Congressional leaders new and old. Party up-and-comers. Political celebs like former President Bill Clinton and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (MA). Real celebs like Katy Perry, Eva Longoria, and Lena Dunham. Read: Not Chachi, Antonio Sabato, Jr., or the cast of "The Bold and the Beautiful." Also not going: Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

WHO IS SHE?

Until this weekend, she was the head of the Democratic National Committee. That was before Wikileaks spilled the digital beans on thousands of DNC emails, revealing Wasserman Schultz and top aides tried to undermine Sen. Bernie Sanders’ chances of being the nominee. It also revealed that Wasserman Schultz really, really wanted "Hamilton" tickets. Not a good look, since Dems have been pretty smug lately about how fractured the GOP is – and this week was supposed to be about showing off how unified they are. Foot, meet mouth. Bernie has been accusing Wasserman Schultz of favoritism for months, and pushing for her to resign. This weekend, he got his way.

I’M NOT GOING. HOW DO I WATCH?

On cable news channels (Fox News, MSNBC, CNN) erry night all night. Or just watch the important stuff on any big network (NBC, ABC, CBS) from 10-11pm ET. You can also live stream.

WHY IS THE CONVENTION IMPORTANT?

Dems need to convince voters that Hillz is the one they want. And to pay no attention to the Benghazi attacks, inbox scandal, millions in speaking fees from banks like Goldman Sachs, and decades of dirty laundry in the corner. All while sending lots of air kisses to Bernie and his fans, whose signs say “United Together” but whose faces say “I want to GTFO.”

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

They’re signing off on the Democratic party platform. This year, that includes fighting income inequality by raising the minimum wage, taking on corporations, and making wealthier Americans pay more in taxes. There’s a reason you feel like you’re at a Bernie Sanders rally. In exchange for showing up and playing nice, he lobbied hard for these issues to make it into the platform.

WHO’S PAYING FOR ALL THIS?

Corporations and wealthier Americans. Awwwkard. They’re reportedly chipping in more cash money for this party than ever before. And then they’ll probably get roasted by Bernie & Co. on the convention floor anyway. It’s hard out there for millionaires and billionaires.

WHO’S HILLARY’S WINGMAN?

That would be her VP choice, Tim Kaine. He’s a current senator and former gov. who's popular in his home state of Virginia. Pros: he’s got a lot of experience, he’s fluent in Spanish, and he’s from a v important swing state. Cons: you had to Google “who is Tim Kaine?” So did everyone else.

SO WHAT NAMES DO I NEED TO KNOW?

These are the faces you’ll be seeing in prime time...

Michelle Obama...as in the First Lady who launched a thousand pushups will give a speech supporting Hillz. Melania is expected to take notes. – Monday

Bernie Sanders...as in the VT Senator and runner up will be there to talk party unity, and try his best not to look like he’s shooting a hostage video. Larry David is on standby. – Monday

Bill Clinton...as in the former prez and Hillary’s husband will hit the stage. Drink whenever he says she’s a “change-maker.”Tuesday

Mothers of the Movement...as in the moms of victims that inspired the Black Lives Matter movement (Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner) will be on stage together. This invite comes after a series of racially charged killings involving black people and police officers have put a new spotlight on issues like criminal justice and police reform. – Tuesday

Michael Bloomberg...as in the Dems have a billionaire businessman now, too. The former NYC mayor was a Democrat...before switching to Republican, before giving up and switching to independent. He even considered running for prez himself, but now he’s #WithHer. And is expected to make the case for why the business community should be too. – Wednesday

Joe Biden...as in the Veep with the best aviator game in Washington, DC will talk what it was like to work alongside Hillz in the White House. And try to avoid any jokes about how he still might run. – Wednesday

Barack Obama...as in Mr. President and Hillary’s rival-turned-boss will make the case for why she should take over when he leaves. Hope and change. Again. - Wednesday

Tim Kaine...as in the VA senator and Clinton’s running mate will be saying ‘hey what’s up hello’ to Americans who have no idea who he is. Hint: most Americans. – TBD, Prob Wednesday

Elizabeth Warren...as in the Massachusetts senator and Trump agitator-in-chief is expected to give one of her signature roasts of The Donald. She’ll also need to reassure the party’s far-left voters that Hillary’s still got them...even though she passed on Warren for Veep. – TBD, Prob Thursday

Chelsea Clinton...as in the Ivanka to Hillary’s Donald. Chelsea’s job will be to show voters a more personal side to her mom. You will be reminded that she is a grandmother. Many times. – Thursday

theSKIMM

It’s hard for voters to get fired up about someone who’s been around for decades. And who has been a divisive figure for almost as long. Hillary’s mission this week will be to inspire the disaffected Bernie fans AND the undecided voters who are writing pro and con lists for her and Donald Trump. NBD.

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