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"Seal slaps kayaker in face with octopus" – A real headline to start your day off.

BIG DAY

The Story

Today, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford are testifying on Capitol Hill.

What do I need to know?

It starts at 10am ET. You can watch it on every major news outlet and, bless its heart, C-SPAN.

Who do I need to know?

The main players are…

Brett Kavanaugh…President Trump's SCOTUS nom who could move the bench to the right. He denies all sexual misconduct allegations against him.

Christine Blasey Ford…the CA professor who says Kavanaugh assaulted her at a party in the early '80s, when they were teens.

Rachel Mitchell…the female sex crimes prosecutor from Arizona that Republicans hired to question Ford and Kavanaugh. Because they may or may not have realized that an all-male panel wasn't their best look here.

Aren't there other allegations?

Yes. Earlier this week, Deborah Ramirez came forward to accuse Kavanaugh of exposing himself to her when the two were at Yale in the '80s. And yesterday, Julie Swetnick said she was at a party in high school that Kavanaugh attended where she was gang raped. She accuses Kavanaugh of spiking girls' drinks and pressing up on girls without their consent. There's also a fourth, anonymous accusation of misconduct.

What should I keep an eye out for?

That calendar from '82 that apparently shows Kavanaugh was too booked with basketball games and doctors' appointments to sexually assault anyone at a party.

What are people saying?

Republicans don't want a vote on Kavanaugh to get derailed – especially while they have a very slim majority in the Senate to get a justice confirmed. Dems are saying, 'this is the top position in the US. Isn't it worth the wait?' Meanwhile, 1,600 men are telling Ford, 'we believe you.'

What happens next?

The Senate Judiciary Committee has already scheduled a Friday morning vote to decide on whether or not to recommend Kavanaugh to the rest of the Senate crew. After that, it's up to the full Senate to vote on him. Eyes are on a handful of GOP senators who could swing things.

theSkimm

This is the first sexual misconduct hearing against a SCOTUS nominee since the Anita Hill hearings in the '90s. How it plays out has serious implications for how we as a society think about sexual assault allegations, and treat both the accusers and the accused.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What to say when you hear interest rates are going up…

President Trump's raising the temperature with China. Yesterday, he accused China of meddling in the upcoming midterm elections. This may or may not have to do with the trade war. Details of the meddling are sparse. But Trump says it's to hurt his admin because he's "the first president ever to challenge China on trade." China is saying 'nah man, we don't do that.' Also on Trump's brain: Rod Rosenstein. He's supposed to meet with the deputy AG today to talk about the Rod's less than flattering reported comments about him. But Trump might hit snooze on the meeting – and let Rosenstein sit tight until the midterms. Then, who knows. Speaking of midterms, Trump says he's going to sign off on a spending bill to keep the gov's lights on until early December. Because no one wants a gov with an OOO sign.

What to say when you find the best cashmere sweater…

Take my cash money. Uber is saying 'same.' Yesterday, the company agreed to pay $148 million to settle allegations from every state and DC over its 2016 data breach. The one where 57 million users around the world had their names, email addresses, and phone numbers exposed. #ThanksUber. Another fun layer to it: Uber didn't say anything for a year. And paid hackers $100,000 to destroy the data and keep the breach hush hush. Now, Uber is saying 'my bad' and 'I promise I can change'.

What to say after re-watching "The Proposal" for the 10th time…

Let's hear it for Alaska. This week, the state decided to declare an emergency to preserve indigenous culture. There are 20 recognized Native American languages there that are at risk of dying out. Now, the gov is trying to do something about it in the hopes of reversing the trend. The state will help its education department promote them in public schools and universities. And will start using Alaska Native languages in some public signs.

What to say when your SO gets distracted…

Not. Allowed.

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