News·8 min read

Things We Skimm'd in 2016

December 30, 2016

2016 was lit. The US

hired a new prez

. South Korea pretty much

fired theirs

. Hulk Hogan

and Peter Thiel took down Gawker. Lin-Manuel Miranda made Alexander

Hamilton

great again. Kate McKinnon and Alec Baldwin made

America laugh again

.

Martha and Snoop

got baked. We saw too many

clowns

.

And said RIP to

Harambe

.

Hiddleswift

started. Then ended. So did

Brangelina

.

Rob and Chyna had a

Dream

. Bob Dylan won a Nobel Prize, and

DGAF

.

Sean Penn interviewed

El Chapo

in the woods.

Kim K

was robbed. Beyonce made

Lemonade

.

Leo

fought off a bear

and got that Oscar.

Ken Bone’s sweater

Donald Trump

...as in the next President of the United States. He appealed to working class voters

with the message that they've been ripped off by the political elite, who've been sending those voters' jobs overseas. And that he's the one who can flip the status quo. Those voters turned out big league. A lot of people

(cough, pollsters, cough

)

Hillary Clinton

…as in the runner up. Hillz was the first female candidate nominated to a major political party. She picked up more

popular votes

than any other losing candidate ever but lost the Electoral College. That's because a lot of her votes came from the coasts – aka states that don’t win elections. Clinton struggled to

get voters to trust her

.

That’s in part because of the FBI’s investigation into whether she mishandled classified info by using a private email server as sec. of state

(they decided she didn't. Twice

).

Now, Hillz is swapping pantsuits for

hiking boots

Russia

...as in everyone’s favorite cyberstalkers. Yesterday, the Obama administration slapped sanctions on some Russian intelligence officials and agencies

for interfering with the presidential election. That's

going over really well

with Russia. Reminder: during the presidential campaign, the US intelligence community agreed that hacks into the DNC and the Clinton campaign were

coming from Russia

. After the election, the

CIA and FBI

concluded that the goal was to try to help Trump win. Trump has said

“I don’t believe it.”

But Senators from both sides of the aisle say the attacks are a threat to national security and have called for more

investigations

Brexit

…as in the UK divorced the EU. And made everyone say ‘blimey.’ The UK is the first country to consciously uncouple from the fam. Ever. Problem, since it's also one of the EU’s largest economies. Following the vote, David Cameron

stepped down

. Theresa May

took over

.

Markets

rolled in the deep

.

And then said,

‘keep calm and carry on.’

Messy

divorce talks

The Olympics

...as in Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, and friends went to Rio and came home with a lot of bling. Phelps now officially has more Olympic medals than anyone

(ever

).

US women’s gymnastics double somersaulted its way to the top

(again

).

Syrian refugee swimmer

Yusra Mardini

had everyone cheering her on. Ryan Lochte went gray and

faked a robbery

.

Technical difficulties

…as in it was a rough year for Silicon Valley.

Facebook

had a fake news problem. Twitter’s still dealing with

trolls

. Snapchat keeps trying to make

Snap Inc.

happen. Things heated up for

Samsung

.

And Yahoo got

hacked

.

Twice

. Now, Verizon’s having

second thoughts

Terrorism

...as in ISIS is

struggling on the battlefield

in Iraq and Syria. But its supporters are carrying out

more attacks on Western countries

.

See: truck attacks in

Nice

and

Berlin

,

the

Brussels

bombings, and the

Istanbul

airport attack. And then there was the shooting at a gay club in

Orlando, FL

Aleppo

...as in Syria’s almost

six-year civil war

went from bad to worse. Aleppo – once Syria’s largest city – has been at the center of the fighting for years. After months of intense fighting and heavy

Russian airstrikes

, Syrian President Assad finally

took back the city

from rebels, marking a major turning point in his favor. The international community watched - and did nothing - as Assad's forces bombed the city into the ground and executed civilians on the spot in the final push to clinch the city. Hundreds of thousands of civilians have been killed since this war started. Millions have fled for places like the EU, leading to the

worst refugee crisis on the continent since WWII

Balls

...as in

Peyton Manning

left the field with a ring when he led the Denver Broncos to a

Super Bowl win

over the Carolina Panthers. The

Cleveland Cavaliers

did OK too. ‘Bron ‘Bron & Co

chased down

Chicago Cubs

...As in the team hit it out of the park. They beat the Cleveland Indians to win

their first World Series title

People we will miss

…as in

Muhammed Ali

,

David Bowie

,

Prince

,

Alan Rickman

,

Leonard Cohen

,

Nancy Reagan

,

Gwen Ifill

,

John Glenn

,

Alan Thicke

,

Miss Cleo

,

George Michael

,

Carrie Fisher

, and

Debbie Reynolds

Fidel Castro

…as in the

iconic Cuban leader

died

DAPL

…as in the reason you saw Facebook check-ins at “Standing Rock.” The Dakota Access Pipeline is the massive oil pipeline project that runs through four states, including North Dakota. A Native American tribe that lives along the proposed pipeline route in ND was joined by supporters to protest its construction

,

saying that it could contaminate the local water supply and destroy sacred sites. After a lot of legal back and forth, the US gov officially said

‘game over’

Things we can’t stop watching

...as in

“Stranger Things,”

new

“Gilmore Girls”

eps,

“The People v. OJ Simpson,”

“Westworld,”

and

“The Crown.”

The Supreme Court

...as in

Justice Antonin Scalia died

earlier this year. And all eyes have been on his empty seat ever since. Without him, the court is tied between right and left-leaning justices. President Obama nominated Merrick Garland – a judge known for being pretty much right down the middle. Garland has to be confirmed by the Senate. But the Senate GOP said

‘no can do,’

Zika

...as in BYO bug spray. The virus spread by a certain type of mosquito continued to be

a big problem in Latin America and the Caribbean

Mother Nature

...as in

Louisiana

found itself under water. Parts of the

US South

found themselves on fire after a long dry spell.

Hurricane Matthew

hit Haiti, and it was the

worst storm

Turkey

...as in part of the military

failed to launch a coup to overthrow the government

.

Local police departments

...as in the deaths of

Alton Sterling

in Louisiana,

Philando Castile

in Minnesota,

Terence Crutcher

in Oklahoma, and

Keith Lamont Scott

in North Carolina. All four were killed by police officers at a time when there have been lots of questions about the police's use of excessive force, especially against black men. Sterling and Castile’s deaths were followed by retaliatory attacks on police. Five officers were shot and killed in

Dallas, TX

,

and three in

Baton Rouge, LA

Flint, MI

...as in it’s

not all water under the bridge

. Back in 2014, Flint left Detroit's water system to save some cash. It started taking water from the Flint River in what was supposed to be a temporary move. Then

people noticed that their water looked and smelled funny

.

And children's blood tests started showing higher levels of lead. Lead can affect brain development and cause behavioral changes in kids. Now a lot of people are

getting sued

Wells Fargo

...as in the bank that was

fined $185 million

Roger Ailes

...as in

no longer Fantastic Mr. Fox

. The founder and CEO of Fox News found himself out of the job when former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson claimed she was forced out after refusing his sexual advances. After that, lots of other women came forward to say he’d sexually harassed them too. That includes

Megyn Kelly

, one of the network’s top stars, who’s still deciding whether to re-up her contract. 21st Century Fox (Fox News’ parent company, and a minority investor in theSkimm) settled with Carlson for a reported $20 million. And Ailes reportedly pocketed a

$40 million severance package

EpiPen

...as in your friend with a peanut allergy is pissed. Mylan bought EpiPen – which is used to treat life-threatening allergy attacks – almost a decade ago. Back then, the cost for a two-pack was about $100. Earlier this year, it had

jumped to more than $600

.

Oh, and the company’s execs have been paid pretty well in the meantime. Congress, which already had

pharma companies under the microscope

Pokemon Go

...as in everyone and their gaming mother was

hunting Pikachus

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