From the Group Chat: Joe Burrow's Dramatic NFL Season, Selena Gomez's Engagement, and "No Good Deed"

EDITOR’S NOTE

Happy Sunday. ’Tis the season for all things festive, which means this weekend, you can find me sipping on a Melting Snowman Cocktail, admiring holiday decor (Kylie Jenner wins the Most Extra Award with her towering, lifesize nutcrackers), and contemplating Christmas-coded beauty looks like Hailey Bieber’s “sugarplum jelly nails.” (Sadly, Gigi Hadid’s glitzy “icicle eye shadow” is too triggering for this millennial.) I’ll also do my annual rewatch of the The Holiday (inspired by Nancy Meyers and Jude Law teasing a sequel) while drafting my Xmas wishlist, which includes some jazzy-looking tights (the “latest low-cost fashion statement”) and an exceptionally fuzzy, Sesame Street-esque yeti coat. Something tells me my Real Housewives style crush Bronwyn Newport would approve.

— Taylor Trudon / Writer, Culture & Lifestyle / Brooklyn, NY 

👟 If running a turkey trot is your idea of a bad time, just wait until you hear about the couples making people participate in a 5K before their wedding. 

😳 As if your skincare routine wasn’t long enough, we should apparently be adding body retinols to the mix. Because, who knew, preventing saggy shins is a thing?

🧶 What do Kate Middleton, Princess Diana, and your mom all have in common? A deep affinity for this cozy country sweater that’s making a comeback. 

✨ While some are decking their cheeks with the “candy cane blush” hack, others are grabbing their glitter — because the return of party girl makeup is here.

✂️ Out of all of 2024’s chaotic hair trends, the “jellyfish haircut” is truly in a league of its own.

Joe Burrow can’t seem to catch a break. No, we’re not referring to the Cincinnati Bengals’ less-than-stellar season (get the lowdown from our Well Played podcast). We’re talking about the drama that happened off the field this week. On Monday, while the “NFL’s sexiest quarterback” was in Texas for a game against the Dallas Cowboys, his home was burglarized — the latest in a string of robberies targeting professional athletes. As if that wasn’t dramatic enough, the person who discovered the crime was Sports Illustrated model and influencer Olivia Ponton — who, to be clear, is not the same Olivia as Burrow’s longtime girlfriend Olivia Holzmacher. According to People, Ponton noticed a “shattered bedroom window and the room ransacked” after she arrived at the Ohio home, prompting her and her mom to call 911. The obvious question: What was the 22-year-old doing at Burrow’s home? Apparently, she’s described in a police report as an employee, which is…interesting. And if that is the case, why is she saying “someone broke into my house” in police audio obtained by TMZ?

Of course, all of this has sent the internet into a frenzy — particularly since it was just last year when rumors swirled that Mr. Frosted Tips and Holzmacher, who have been together since 2017, had gotten engaged. Now, some are wondering if the fashionista (we can’t decide which is more chaotic: these rainbow-striped flare pants or the backless blazer he wore for his runway debut) was caught trying to juggle two Olivias. But, as eagle-eyed sleuths have pointed out, the last time Holzmacher posted a pic of Burrow on Instagram was in a January photo dump, so perhaps the two had already broken up. (In which case, Burrow’s highly questionable bleach-blond buzz cut should have been a tell.) Regardless, the speculation has gotten so out of hand that Burrow addressed it at a press conference, telling reporters, “Way more is already out there than I would want out there and that I care to share, so that’s all I got to say about that.” Joe, we listen and we don’t judge.

Congratulations are in order — Selena Gomez got a marquise diamond that could “even make that Tiffany jealous.” (Really, it’s “objectively huge.”) On Wednesday, more than a year after the Wizard of Waverly Place apparently asked Benny Blanco out (sure, Benny), the actress announced that they had gotten engaged, in what some are speculating was a Taco Bell-sponsored proposal. It didn’t take long for celebs to share their well wishes for the PDA-obsessed couple, including Taylor Swift, who offered to be their flower girl. Naturally, we wanted to put forth our own (unsolicited) suggestions for the big day: Swift can indeed be the flower girl, as long as she walks down the aisle to an instrumental version of “Lover” with Gomez’s dogs/ring bearers, Winnie and Daisy; Martin Short, one of “her two weird uncles” will officiate (yes, Meryl Streep will be his plus-one), while the other, Steve Martin, will MC the reception (sorry, Steve, but father of the bride is already taken); Gomez’s bridal party will be her adorable little sister, Cara Delevingne (after all, they share a very unique tattoo), and her Spring Breakers costars (simply for the Florida bachelorette); the first dance will be to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Juno” (it’s clearly “their” song); dinner will include Taco Bell (obviously), plus fried pickles and steak since the couple has a certain…affinity for them; and the Peltz Beckhams will deliver sappy toasts. Sel and Benny, let us know where to send our address.

After Wicked’s extremely aggressive marketing push, it seemed more out-of-control movie merch was not possible. Not so. Enter: the Nosferatu-inspired coffin bed. In honor of the upcoming remake of the vampire classic — starring Lily-Rose Depp and hundreds of very real rats — Focus Features is following in the footsteps of the extremely neon Barbie-branded in-line skates and the worryingly blue Beetlejuice-themed cocktail and selling some frankly unnecessary merch. That includes a 250-pound, 8-feet-long replica of the coffin featured in the movie, complete with a custom-fit mattress “for the best sleep of your life” and a foam lid “for easy opening at sundown.” And if that wasn’t mind-boggling enough, allow us to share the asking price: $20,000, which, it should be noted, does not include taxes or shipping. You may not be dead, but at least you’ll be dead broke.

What’s that saying about if something seems too good to be true then it probably is? In Netflix’s No Good Deed, three families learn that age-old lesson the hard way, as they try to buy the same 1920s Spanish-style villa, in one of LA’s most coveted neighborhoods. All of them believe the dream home will solve their problems — but the sellers, Lydia (Lisa Kudrow) and Paul (Ray Romano), are cash-strapped empty-nesters who are desperate to keep some long-buried secrets from their prospective buyers. Created by Dead to Me showrunner Liz Feldman and featuring a stacked cast (Linda Cardellini, O-T Fagbenle, Abbi Jacobson, and Luke Wilson, to name a few) the twisty, eight-episode dark comedy has been described as “if You’re the Worst, House Hunters, and Alfred Hitchcock had a baby.” Oh, and in case all that wasn’t reason enough to watch, there’s this: Las Culturistas cohost Matt Rogers plays the delightful, substance-loving realtor. Sold.

We got you. With Chase Pay Over Time^®, eligible Chase cardmembers can break up those big-ticket costs — like flights, hotels, and car rentals — into smaller monthly payments. Pay Over Time breaks down big costs over a timeframe you choose with no interest, just a fixed monthly fee. TL;DR: Less stress about travel, more time to actually enjoy the holidays. So whether you’re grabbing a last-minute flight, booking a cozy rental, or planning a family reunion, you can travel within your budget. Oh, and FYI, you still earn your usual rewards on purchases along the way. See if your Chase card is eligible.*

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