Skimm Money: I’m Not Buying a Ticket to Attend Your Party.

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I’m Not Buying a Ticket to Attend Your Party.

From “hachelorette” bashes to divorce parties and even layoff showers, any life event can be an excuse to celebrate. Traditional celebrations are getting more expensive too — think local bachelorette weekends costing more than $1K or kids' birthday parties hitting $300+ on average. 

With ballooning expenses, some hosts are charging guests admission, even to formal events like weddings. (Potential guests have big feelings.) It’s a nonstarter to expect guests to pay for any event that you throw, says Lisa Mirza Grotts, a lifestyle etiquette expert based in San Francisco. An event is not supposed to feel transactional for your guests, she adds.Throwing a party for someone else is an exception. For example, if a friend has a milestone birthday coming up, let everyone know you’re reserving a room in a restaurant, and the cost will be $50 each. You just have to be OK with people turning down the invite. If you’ve got a big event on the horizon, here’s how to keep your budget in check — and how to make sure you don’t go broke if you get an invite in the mail.

Your move: 

• Get creative with timing. Hosting your event during off-peak times or seasons can help save on costs without compromising fun. Try afternoon gatherings and weekday soirées, when vendors may have lower rates than on weekends and evenings.

• Combine efforts. If everyone’s turning thirty in the same year, skip individual parties in favor of one blowout trip with everyone. (P.S. Take our advice about how to handle the financial gymnastics of girls’ trips.)

• Go low-key. Don’t let someone else’s $30,000 kid’s party skew your expectations. For most people, the most important moments of a celebration don’t cost a dime. “A gathering doesn’t need to be lavish to be memorable,” says Grotts. (This woman had her thirtieth birthday at Costco for less than $30.)

• And as a guest… It's OK to say no to an invitation if you can’t afford what it takes to attend. Even Emily Post, the original etiquette GOAT, agrees: “There is no minimum (or maximum) guests should spend.” A heartfelt card can be priceless.

Ask An Expert

We asked you to vote on a question you’d like answered. The winner was:

When is it appropriate to bring up finances when you’re dating someone?

FEATURED EXPERT:

Heather Boneparth

Lawyer and cocreator of The Joint Account, a newsletter helping couples talk better about money

Money is a big deal in relationships. In fact, 54% of people say that debt is reason enough to consider divorce, according to a 2002 report from National Debt Relief. But bringing up bank account balances on a first date is kind of like talking about your ex — coming in too hot, too soon. (Related: The Internet Is Divided on This Woman's Dating Etiquette Dilemma)

That said, you can still use early encounters (if you move beyond round one) as a way to explore someone’s perspective on money — tactfully, says Boneparth. “Notice whether [they] cook or always order out; how they split bills at group dinners; and whether they ever talk about budgeting or saving for something they want,” she says. “You can learn a lot about someone’s approach to money before getting into the nitty-gritty.” (Related: How to Talk About Money When You’re Dating)

One exception: If you’ve got something BIG in your financial life — like a child or an aging parent you support — bring that up sooner rather than later. Their reaction can be a clue about whether they’re long-term material — and maybe they’ll use that as an opening to be more forthcoming with you. (Related: I Lost Thousands of Dollars — and My Relationship — on a Nightmare Vacation)

5-Minute Money Tip

One act of financial self-care you can do in five minutes.

Use this guide to tipping so you can be polite without going broke.

Tip creep is real. In fact, 35% of Americans think tipping has gotten out of control, according to a 2024 survey by Bankrate. But that doesn’t mean you should turn into the Zero Dollars Tip person. There’s a way to tip (and choose not to) without being a jerk.

• Coffee: $1 minimum (yup, even if it’s drip). A little more if it’s a specialty concoction; coffee still falls under “food and drink,” and the proper tip can be as high as 20% of your total.

• Beauty treatments: 20% is standard, with $5 to $20 additional for an assistant. This goes for hair colorists and stylists, as well as beauty techs such as for your brows, nails, blowouts, and piercings. Injectables are considered a medical treatment, so you’re off the hook there. 

• Food: At least 20% — more, if service was exceptional — when dining out. Minimum $5 for delivery.

• Cabs and rideshare apps: 10 to 20%. Otherwise, rideshare apps usually offer preset tip amounts somewhere between $1-5 to make the process simple.

• Groceries, clothing, gas, and other goods: Payment screens have made tipping an automatic part of the checkout process across a variety of shopping experiences, but etiquette pros say it’s fine to skip out of tipping in these scenarios.