Skimm Money: Deciding What’s Yours, Mine, and Ours

How the news affects your finances.

Deciding What’s Yours, Mine, and Ours

There’s nothing more intimate than being inside someone else’s… bank account. Whether your money has been commingling for years, or you just started talking about combining finances, discussing money can get really personal, really fast — even with someone you love and trust. Statistically, married couples with joint bank accounts not only fight less about money, but also feel better about handling their household finances, according to research from Indiana University. But there’s no wrong answer when it comes to how or if to merge finances. Nearly 25% of married or cohabitating couples keep accounts completely separate, according to a 2024 survey by Bankrate.

“When it’s just you, it’s one set of priorities, but add in another person, and it becomes three: Yours, theirs, and ours,” says Ashley Lapato, a personal finance educator at YNAB. “I recommend starting these conversations with the question: How will our shared vision contribute to the life we want?” Here’s how to tackle budgeting with a partner and how to make the process less heated than debating the thermostat setting, according to Lapato.

Your Move:

• Focus on one goal. Start with one combined financial project like saving for a trip. This can help highlight how you each approach saving in order to better manage money as a couple.

• Get practical. How do you want (or not want) to combine your money? Maybe keep individual accounts, then set up new joint checking and savings accounts, says Lapato. You can use these for joint expenses (i.e. childcare) and long-term goals (i.e. a down payment). 

• Schedule “money dates.” Have regular check-ins to discuss your financial goals and perspectives (go beyond bills and groceries). This list of questions can help get the ball rolling.

• Share knowledge and tasks. If your partner is the “money person” who typically manages the bill paying, and something upends that status quo, make sure you can access accounts and know how to jump in to avoid late fees or interest. The transparency will help you both make money decisions with confidence and help prevent “weaponized incompetence.”

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If you’ve ever wanted to be a fly on the wall during someone else’s fight (guilty), listen to this. It’s never just about the money.

PS: Amy Poehler and Keke Palmer are talking about a “functional freeze,” and chances are you’re doing it. What’s cooler than being cool? Ice cold.

We asked you to vote on a question you’d like answered. The winner was:

How can you keep things financially fair when one partner out earns the other?

FEATURED EXPERT:

Dani Pascarella

CFP and founder, OneEleven Financial Wellness

Before you decide how to pay for shared expenses with a salary mismatch, know what “fair” means to you, says Dani Pascarella, a CFP and founder of OneEleven Financial Wellness. Does it feel fair to contribute proportionately to your income? Will you take intangible things that one partner shoulders into account, such as childcare? “Look up what [those services] would cost in your city, and consider that amount as a contribution to your joint expenses,” suggests Pascarella. (Guess how much a stay-at-home mom would make?)

Next, assess how to split expenses. Here are some options (you can even mix and match), according to Pascarella: 

• 100%. All income goes toward living expenses that you both agree on.

• 50/50. Each partner agrees to split shared expenses more or less evenly. The leftover money from the higher-earning partner will then go toward other financial goals, like saving for a down payment, investing, and also be used for the fun stuff like concerts and expensive dinners.

• Proportionate. For example, if you make $75,000 and your partner makes $25,000, then a proportionate split would look like you paying  75% of the expenses, and them paying 25%.

• Combination. Split larger expenses (e.g. rent or mortgage) proportionally and other expenses 50/50. 

• Individualized. For example, the higher earner would take care of bigger bills like healthcare, while the lower earner pays for expenses like the dog walker.

One act of financial self-care you can do in five minutes.

Create a Sinking Fund for Dates

Whoever said true love is priceless clearly doesn’t know the going cost of a dinner out these days. That said, couples who have regular date nights are more likely to be happily married, according to a study from the National Marriage Project. Keep your budget and bond on track with a sinking fund, of which each of you contributes $20 a week. This means you’ll have $160 every month for date night. (Psst: Here’s a list of 50 cheap but romantic date ideas to stretch that even further.)