Let’s talk about burnout (nice to see you, too). This week we’re focusing on how to deal with it, because — just a wild guess — we’re all feeling it. The end of the year is fast approaching, and with it, the chaos of the holidays. One strategy that’s worked for some of us: When you feel overwhelmed, try to pick apart what you absolutely must do and what you can just not do. Ask yourself questions like:
Do I have to cook dinner tonight? (It’s a privilege to answer no.)
Do I have to select super meaningful gifts for everyone in my family or can I turn to the experts? (They know what they’re doing.)
Do I have to stay up late to check things off my list or should I go to bed early? (The “rest gap” is real.)
Hope you feel less stressed after reading this — especially if you’re dealing with “betterment burnout.” (More on that below.)
— The Skimm Well team
P.S. After today, Skimm Well will be moving to a monthly format. See you in December!
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We Have To Talk About…
The Real Reason You’re Burnt Out
See if this sounds familiar: You're meditating daily, moving your body, applying your retinol, meeting your hydration goals, focusing on nutrition, and avoiding alcohol, but all you have to show for it is… exhaustion and misery. You could have so-called “betterment burnout,” in which the endless pursuit of self-improvement actually eats away at your well-being.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with genuinely wanting to improve your mental or physical health. Also, some people throw themselves into self-improvement as a way of coping with external events they can’t control — see: the pandemic, global conflict, economic instability. But that becomes problematic if you find yourself trying to address negative feelings like loneliness or emptiness through a highly regimented wellness routine “versus the internal transformation that needs to happen,” says psychologist Alicia Hodge. People with betterment burnout are often frustrated that they pursue wellness so diligently — often to the point of perfectionism — and still feel inadequate. That’s when it can really take a toll on your health.
So that’s why I still feel like sh*t
Why wouldn’t you, if you're perpetually trying to reach impossible goals and standards? Betterment burnout isn’t an official medical term or diagnosis, but the stress and exhaustion that come from weeks, months, or years of reaching for a level of perfection just out of reach are extremely real. It can cause irritability, negative feelings about the future, and fatigue — mental and physical. Not to mention generally feeling like a failure over and over again.
Your move
It’s not easy to suddenly let go of any routine, especially one you use as a coping mechanism or one packed with habits generally considered positive. But if you feel like doing the most is making you feel the worst, Hodge recommends trying a seven- to 10-day reset. During your reset, try…
Taking a break from your wellness habits.
Asking yourself “‘What's not feeling good to me?’ instead of just immediately springing into action” like you usually might, Hodge says.
Rest, rest, rest. Notice what it’s like to not be “productive” all the time.
Being compassionate with yourself. Reminder: Your worth is not dependent on your wellness habits.
Once your reset is up, evaluate whether or not you feel better or worse, physically and mentally. If you want to add some healthy habits back in a way that feels good, great, but only if they truly feel good. “Our society is about productivity — doing more and more,” Hodge says. “Ultimately I find that when people slow down a bit and say, ‘I think that I'm doing enough, and maybe I am enough,’ that becomes really critical in turning their perspective.”
Ask An Expert
Last week, we asked you to vote on a question to answer. The winner was:
How can I prevent burnout if I can’t change much about my job?
FEATURED EXPERT:
Jenny Maenpaa, LCSW
licensed therapist and founder of the New York City Psychotherapy Collective.
Set boundaries: Say “no” to the things that drain you, so that you can say “yes” to the things that energize you.
Take breaks: Stand up, stretch, look at something other than your computer, drink some water, and remember that you are not your job.
Create space: Carving out personal space can also help prevent feeling depleted or exhausted. Use visual cues like putting on headphones to let people know you need a little distance.
Get professional help: Talking to a therapist can help you understand why you’re burned out, where you can make changes, and what you want from your next job — so you can avoid ending up in a situation like this again.
Learn how you can train your mind to reframe a stressful situation.
TOGETHER WITH NEW YORK LIFE
Tension-Relieving Tips
It’s no secret that money can be a major stressor. And even if it’s always on our minds, it’s not always on our to-do lists. So today, we’re sharing a few moves that can help you feel more in control of your financial situation.
Start — or grow — an emergency fund, ideally enough to cover six to eight months of living expenses. Can’t swing that right now? Start with as little as $25 a month and work up from there.
Take full advantage if your employer does a 401(k) match. Because you wouldn’t leave free money on the table.
Protect your most important asset: your income. Read up on how here.
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